Cold and Talented -20

Dad's car seems to be okay. We tried it with my aunt today. I haven't driven with it for a while so I thought it wouldn't start but it did so we drove it for some time. But yeah, it's cold as fuck out there, I nearly lost my fingers on the way home from school and as it's only two hundred metres, it means it had to be cold out there and it really was. It felt more than -20 C but it wasn't, according to the thermometre. It's starting to feel like a good old Finnish winter again! I'm actually pleased, even though it means that I'll have to start wearing warmer clothes.

By the way, how am I going to survive writing an English essay if I can't use phrases like "for shits and giggles" and "not giving a flying fuck"? Every other word of mine is practically a cuss word so it'll be real pain in the arse to try to cut it out and write something serious for a change. I've spent way too much time on discussing with people, writing blog entries and spamming on Tumblr, not forgetting writing curious sci fi porn when I should have studied writing articles, summaries and such. But you know what, if I'm not doing well in my English finals, fuck it. I know I can use the language and if I can't, there's nothing a year or two in London won't fix and I'm moving there after this school anyway. Same applies to pretty much everything. I know I can do things and I don't need exams to prove it in the end. I will try my best, of course, and I'm a bit afraid of that to be honest but at least I personally know that I can do things even if I failed every single exam there is. My parents may not see the difference, my friends may think I'm a total loser if I fail everything for my own laziness which most likely isn't laziness but subtle symproms of upcoming depression or other mental fuckshittery

So, things I'm good at:

• Writing. I know fuckin' well how to use dem words and I usually have things to say too, and if I don't, I shut the fuck up.
• Observing. I see things, I notice, I think, I associate, I analyse, I fuckin' observe and make mental notes and this applies on every field. I'm best at visual, social and psychological things but I do others too. Constantly.
• Socialising with new people, but only if I feel up to it and I find them worth bothering. 
• Finnish and English. I'm not good at other languages but these two are the babies I care the most about. I've loved English since I heard it for the very first time and here I am, abusing it in the most loving ways. Finnish, in the other hand, is the language of poetry to me, the language that hides secrets and tells beatiful stories, describes thoughts and meanings, when English speaks the words of dialogue, life, words spoken aloud, anything fast and moving, passion on its most known form. Finnish is a language of passion too, but its passion is raw, quiet, too powerful to be said aloud and noticeable even without telling.Yes, I could ramble on about these two for ages. Perhaps I will, one day. 
• Art. I'm not claiming to be a skill-wise talented artist in terms of drawing or painting or something like that, but I'm definitely talented at art in general. I know a lot about it and thanks to my observing skills, I can tell a lot about it even if I didn't actually know the facts in advance. I can use art and I know good ways of using it, I am creative and my way of thinking serves art well. Any kind of art, actually. I've even got rid of my dislike for sculpture quite recently.
• Listening. I'm available, I make time, I am there if I'm needed, but I fuck off if I'm not. I'm talkative as hell, yes, but I also know how to listen, I like making questions and I help all I can. Not all the time and not for everyone, but mostly, and when friends are in question, always, or at least I do my best.
• Dressing. Thanks to my art skills, I know how to dress well. Thanks to my creativity, I know how to do it without boring everyone to death.
• Other things. I think I'm off to do other things and either finish this later or let it be. I just wanted to think about things and write them down randomly. Well, that's what I always do. This is why I don't want to write for my living. I want to keep it as a way I do whenever I want and exactly how I want. I could work as a freelancer, though, or write books and things like that, but I couldn't have a nine to five job involving writing. It's something I do for myself. Visual art is for expressing and I can do it for the others too, yes, but writing is something I like to keep as a little funny thing I do sometimes. I take visual art far more seriously, too. I can have fun with words, I can use them oddly, I can do whatever with them and just you know, not worry about them because they've never been TEH NUMBER ONE thing for me and I've never taken writing that seriously. Visual art in the other hand, well, it's been MY LIFE for nearly half of it so yeah, it's quite natural that my viewpoints are more serious towards it. But visual art can be fun too. I do it for fun too. It's just something I could do for a living too. To pay the rent and bills and books and art supplies. And make the word a little prettier. 

Why can't anyone else believe in me but me, though? It's a thing I wonder.